Punish unruly teenagers with VexBox, an evil device that slows down the internet

The internet is pretty much a necessity these days, and taking it away access is an ideal punishment for any unruly teenagers. But what’s even worse than cutting off access entirely? Slowing it down to pre-broadband speeds of course.

That’s what VexBox is for. Instead of physically disconnecting the internet, VexBox will slow the speeds down to what they were during the days of dial-up — the time when it took three days just to view a single funny cat photo.

That means when someone is misbehaving you aren’t cutting them off entirely, you’re condemning them to the torture of watching a web page crawl into view. It’s so utterly evil, and it could well be an incredibly effective disciplinary tactic. VexBox is also a fully functional router, which means that some sneaky teenager can’t just go ahead and unplug it to try and get around the problem.

There are some downsides, however. Any smartphones or tablets that are connected to mobile data will be unaffected, and VexBox targets the whole network, rather than individual machines, which means it’s going to affect everyone else in the house.

The folks behind VexBox are currently looking for backers on Kickstarter, and while the box will retail at $79 (£52) you can currently get one for $39 (£25, including shipping). Should everything be successful, the VexBox will be shipping in July.

Tom Pritchard

3 comments

  • Basicly, its a device that ddos’ your internet… WHY WOULD YOU DDOS YOURSELF, by the way ddos means Distributed Denial of Service attack. Basicly they are selling a program to do to your own internet… wow… seriously? So in the most simple form, they are selling a should be illegal software that I think is free. -_- *facepalm*

  • Thanks for the Piece on my VexBox Product. One correction, The VexBox is set up as a secondary hub not affecting the main speed of other devices in the house. Mom and Dad are Safe.

    • You paid for a ripoff that is basicly a advanced ddos or dos system… come on guys, really?

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