Sunshine and sweaty tube journeys aside, we know autumn has officially arrived – because Downton Abbey is back, to be the jewel in the crown of our weekends again!
But while the frocks-and-footmen drama is as synonymous with cosy Sunday evenings as slankets and jugs of custard, we’ll admit that, like the Dowager Countess, we’re not always 100 per cent sure what’s going on…
But as far as we can work out, these are the most important things you need to know to convince everyone you’ve been paying attention to the intricacies of the plot, not napping on the sofa.
Lady Edith hasn’t had a whole lot of luck where men are concerned. There was this dude:
This dude, who disappeared:
And the baby she secretly had with dude 2, who is now suddenly three years old and being raised by kindly village folk while Edith awkwardly pops in all the time for tea.
It’s ok though, because no one else has noticed.
Meanwhile, Mary is moving on after Matthew’s death RUINED CHRISTMAS, and has confused matters by finding herself two suitors who have exactly the same face.
But whichever chap she’s picked, she’s being terribly modern by going away with whathisname to do the dirty in Liverpool – and they’re NOT EVEN MARRIED.
Mary’s blazing a trail for feminism by taking courageous modern measures, such as calling sex a ‘sketching holiday’ and sending your maid to buy your birth control.
Because these are terribly modern times, there’s a newfangled gadget out called the wireless. It’s almost certainly the work of Satan’s elves come to ruin us, but the King has had a bash at it so that probably makes it ok.
Meanwhile downstairs, Carson and Mrs Hughes’ love affair continues to burn with the fire of a thousand passionate suns.
Daisy is taking lessons to brush up on her arithmetic, in preparation for taking over the farm she inherited roughly a million years ago. Remember your free farm, Daisy? You’ve got a free farm!
But the real suspense and intrigue comes courtesy of Bates, who maybe probably killed that bloke last series. Apparently someone saw it happen – which is astonishing considering he did it in London, where nobody goes ever.
It’s also partly the fault of Susan from Teachers, though we forget why.
If we’re honest, we’re still not completely sure what’s going on. Is it time for another war yet?
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