1) Lie: I have nothing to wear
Truth: I have at least 74 dresses that I COULD wear, but I’ve worn them all once this year, so everyone’s already seen me wearing it on Facebook. Really, I just need something different to wear for a new profile picture.
2) Lie: My wardrobe could really use an update.
Truth: I need to update my wardrobe to include crop tops, chunky shoes and those horrible plastic chokers so that it looks more like it did in the ’90s, because that’s in, isn’t it?
3) Lie: I have no shoes that go with this jumpsuit I just bought! Ugh, I guess I need another pair of heels.
Truth: Those shoes I saw in Office yesterday were really nice, and I bought the jumpsuit as an excuse to buy the shoes too. YAY, another pair of heels!
4) Lie: Jumpsuits are a bargain, because you’re basically buying an entire outfit at the same time. I may as well buy two!
Truth: This jumpsuit alone is double the amount of that shorts and top I bought the other week, but it’s really nice, so I’ll buy it anyway, and that jumpsuit over there is also pretty amazing, so I’ll just buy both.
5) Lie: I only spend about £50 on clothes a month
Truth: I spend about £50 on clothes every week. Maybe more. OK, I’ve definitely lost count.
6) Lie: I only go shopping once a month
Truth: I only go OUT shopping once a month. I go online shopping at least once a day.
7) Lie: I actually really need a coat.
Truth: That girl’s coat is so much nicer than the one I’m currently wearing. It can’t really hurt to have seven coats, can it?
8) Lie: I’m just browsing.
Truth: I’ve just spent my entire month’s wage on shoes.
9) Lie: I need to go and get my card from my bag to actually order all this stuff in my basket.
Truth: I know my entire card number, security number, sort code and expiry date off by heart.
10) Lie: I only buy anything from Urban Outfitters when there’s a sale.
Truth: I browse the Urban Outfitters sale whenever it’s on, but then end up buying something from the ‘What’s New’ section instead.
11) Lie: I’m not going to buy any more clothes or accessories this month.
Truth: I’d rather be starving and homeless than actually have to give up spending any more money on clothes this month.
12) Lie: I only ever buy clothes when I need something.
Truth: I buy clothes at least once a week, and tell myself I need it.
13) Lie: It’s fine. I’m going to send nine of these 10 dresses back, because it’s not like they’re all going to fit, and I just need the one.
Truth: I can’t be bothered to go to the post office, and none of the dresses looked AWFUL, so I guess I’ll just keep all 10 of them!