FFS WORLD: It's OK girlies, your lady-friendly laptop has arrived
On the whole we’re actually not THAT offended by female-friendly tech. Sure it’s a bit condescending, insulting and nauseating at times, but at the end of the day some people like their sparkly pink bags and belts and stuff, so why deny them a laptop to match?
However, Fujitsu’s latest offering just takes the “girly tech” concept far, far away into a place that, if we could walk through it, would look like a My Little Pony had thrown up all over a Barbie palace and stuck little marshmallows to it with a fairy’s pink, sparkling tears.
The new line of laptops by the Japanese brand is called Floral Kiss (of course it is) and the products are all unashamedly aimed at female users. But don’t be offended you easily offended womans you, fellow females took part in the design process, so the results are totally your own doing, OK?
The press release unveiling Floral Kiss focuses on some really confusing things like processors and operating systems, but don’t worry your little head with that! Instead you’ll be happy to know there’s gold trim, a fingernail-friendly clasp (NO ACTUALLY) and zirconia adornments – if there’s one thing that’ll finally push me over the edge and make me jump straight off planet Earth it’s zirconia adornments.
But that’s just the hardware (the outside bits), inside you’ll find a whole range of super useful stuff, like a diary and daily horoscopes to tell you how to get through the day! Awesomez!
Our all time totally favourite part has to be that there are three different kinds of laptops to choose from, Elegant White, Feminine Pink and Luxury Brown. Yeah it’s nothing about what’s inside, it’s all about the colour and nothing says luxury like a really good BROWN, right?
Well thank goodness this laptop exists and we no longer have to sit in a stupid little corner on our own, unable to even handle tech because our slender fingers and long nails get in the way. But we get it. Yes there might be a demand for pink sparkly stuff and yes it’s maybe aimed at different markets, but it’s still totally going to make us throw up all over our gold-trimmed, zirconia-covered bedrooms. Now hand us our horoscopes, put on The Notebook and let us cry about our periods in peace please.
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But that's just the hardware (the outside bits), inside you'll find a whole range of super useful stuff, like a diary and daily horoscopes to tell you how to get through the day! Awesomez!
Just wow, Fujitsu! It's like a unicorn on crack… having been vajazzled by a fluffy-pink-nipple-tassel-wearing Care Bear WITH playboy pants. Could this be any more tacky, really? I almost wish I had a penis right now… actually no, I think a suitably airhead-esque “shat-ap” will suffice.
I'm so disappointed my vagina just tried to stab me in the eye with sparkly pink tweezers!