Zara Rabinowicz looks at the many presents that would have her running for the hills.

There are many things I like in life. I enjoy gaming, alcohol and the odd bit of nineties pop music. But that doesn't mean I want a three disc CD collection of 80's choons, or a novelty drinks machine. No, there are certain items that won't have me smiling magically under the tree, but sulking and running to my room to cry (Knitting Nancy: A moment of shame).

I'm sure I'm fairly atypical of women in that there are things that I don't want to get, under any circumstance, EVER. Here's my list of what NOT to buy someone for Xmas, if you want to keep your relationship on the up.

Number one: Household 'useful' appliances

Yes, I know my kettle broke last week. And a pink one is a step up from no kettle at all. But, really? Really? And you now I'm going to use that novelty popcorn maker all of two times and then it will grow dust on the back shelf. And don't even get me started if you bought me a vacuum cleaner (unless it's a Dyson *of course).

Random, spam style Facebook apps and relentless event invitations are the bain of my life. Well not really, I exaggerate, but they are annoying and insufferable. I'm actually losing the will to live and don't know how much more I can take. I don't care how many cities you've visited, and no I don't want to become a vampire with you, nor do I want to be a drug dealer, play poker or become a pirate. Do I really care how much movie trivia you know, or I know for that matter? No. In fact, that's a hell no.

I know I'm ranting, and I probably wouldn't feel the need to shout about it, but while having a browse through Facebook last night and replying to the build up of friend requests (incidentally, I'm not trying to prove I'm popular, I'm simply highlighting that I never respond to things) I noticed my home page has been inundated with well over 200 application requests - yes two hundred of the things. I'm usually oblivious to the applications side of my Facebook account, but there's now soooo many I couldn't help but notice and feel absolutely gobsmacked.

I know, right? Isn't Stephen Fry supposed to be the authority on all things, everywhere? That's why he's got that QI gig, holds the position of National Treasure and has the ear of everyone from Royalty to Deities. But on this occasion, he's wrong. Sorry.

After playing with the Blackberry Storm, he posted the following on Twitter: "Been playing with the BB Storm. Shockingly bad. I mean embarrassingly awful. Such a disappointment. Rushed out unfinished. What a pity." He followed this up with "Yes, I blame n'works more than RIM. Problems are terrible lag: inaccurate t'screen, awful, slow and fiddly text input. I SO wanted to like it."

I've played with the Blackberry Storm, and whilst it's not perfect, it's not 'shockingly bad', either. Neither is it 'embarrassingly awful'.

Last week I did a gallery of the concept gadgets I wished were real and available to get my geeky mitts on. This week, my weekly commentary on the tech world is all about gadgets that quite frankly are never gonna happen, but doesn't stop me badly coveting them as much as a malnutritioned wilder beast craves its next food fix.

Given that flying buggies could be selling in car show rooms as soon as 2010, gives me a glimmer of hope that someone somewhere is working on at least one of the gadgets in my list below. They may be a bit far-fetched but hey, a girl can dream can't she?

Check out my list after the jump...

I know this is going to sound shallow but when I'm testing gadgets one of the tests I use is seeing how long I can play with it before I need to resort to the manual. And if it's never, the device will rank quite highly on my inner gadget scale. It's not that I'm lazy (well, have you seen how tiny the writing is on some manuals?) it's that I'm trying to get into the 'average' consumer head and they want plug and play devices that don't require brain surgery or complicated wiring. And when I do resort to the manual, I want it simple, lucid and preferably illuminated with helpful colour pictures and a big font.

But this doesn't seem to be the norm. At all. But why?

Last week I was invited to the press preview of the world's first National Geographic store on Regent Street in London (BTW - the Christmas lights on Regent Street look great). And I have decided to dedicate this week's column to the store. Why? Well, profits made from the deal with the franchise partner will help fund National Geographic's exploration, conservation, research and education programmes. So there. And just think, now you know exactly why you should bother to pop in.

On the ground floor of the store there is a lecture area that doubles as retail floor space. Basically, when a lecture is going to take place, the goods are quickly moved aside in the crates that they're displayed in. Lectures given by National Geographic's own group of Indiana Jones types will begin in January.

Even if you don't plan to buy one of the artefacts from around the world, it's nice to peruse the galleries of National Geographic images on every floor (look out for my favourite: the pic of the high-fiving frog).

It's going to be a tight 'ol Christmas, if newspaper headlines are to be believed. And let's face it, you've spent so much on your iPhone contract, the deluxe all singing all rocking version of Guitar Hero World Tour and all the apps under the iTunes sun, you've got no money for things like gifts. So what to do? Luckily, the internet is awash with ideas for serious cheapskates. And none of them involve 'comedy' USB peripherals.

eCards
Nothing says 'I forgot it was your birthday until I saw it on Facebook' like an eCard. Now, though, you can claim environmental reasons for people receiving electronic Christmas cards. Is a proper card really worth the death of a dolphin? Exactly. Check out Someecards for some of the best.

Hate reading Manuals? Would you rather walk your way through your new gadget yourself, completely unassisted, rather than having to trawl through pages and pages of over repetitive, monotonous, increasingly and unnecessarily complex instructions that could have been whittled down to half the size of the bulky book the manufacturers expect you to use? You're not alone there. Research from The TechGuys has identified we're currently experiencing a read rage epidemic at the moment and it's sweeping across the nation taking as many victims as it can.

I'm a victim, that's for sure - manuals are one of the biggest bains of my life. Perhaps it's because I'm a product of the self fulfilling prophecy and all those years of being called "impatient" by my mother resulted in me being the intolerant person I am today or perhaps, like the 62.8 percent of people who took part in the survey, I just hate to read manuals.

It turns out the internet is a tiny place. It's not the vast, cavernous, roomy anonymous pleasure dome I'd once mistakenly believed it, it's actually only about 300 people big. And everyone knows everyone else.

Or at least, that's what you'd be forgiven for thinking if you spend as much time online as I do. This past week alone, I've bumped into more people who already know people I know. Often they know a couple of people who are in totally separate social circles, all of whom do something or other on the internet.

it shouldn't really come as a surprise to me - after all, that's what this virtual village of ours is all about, right? But suddenly it's all starting to feel a little bit claustrophobic in here and I'll tell you for why.

Last week, scientists from around the world leapt up from their desks and shouted, "Eureka!" But why are scientists joining in the Obama love-in? I feel the urge to do a list...

1) He has been making all of the right noises for the scientific community, which is why 76 Nobel Laureates officially backed him during the US election race. This is the largest number of Nobel Prize winners ever to support a presidential candidate.

2) His space policy has won him his own science groupies called 'Obamanauts'. How cool is that?

3) Obama has said that he will appoint a science advisor ASAP and it is thought that he will raise this position to a cabinet-level job. He will also be the first President to appoint a Chief Technology Officer. However, the priority right now is to appoint the First Dog.

I've almost completed a week of social networking cold turkey - it's been awful, and I hated almost every bit. Getting emails about stuff happening without me (I *hate* stuff happening without me), people following me on Twitter and not being able to check them out (was therealalgore the real Al Gore?), and still being none the wiser about what the hell my dad is Twittering about (Only Fools and Horses? David Bowie?) - it's been hell.

It seems I've picked an ideal week to ignore the internet - reports are that it's loaded with US election related stuff (interesting the first time it's mentioned, but there's only so many time you can read 'X is thrilled Obama won' without grinding your teeth). And yes, that would indicate that I've found some enablers, who are happy to condense the day's activity for me into a 30 second highlight package.

I did almost fall off the wagon by looking at a screengrab someone sent me from Facebook, but really, that shouldn't count, should it? And if it does, surely the blame lies with the sender? Yes, quite. My thoughts exactly.

It would seem Twitter might be over anyway. I got an email yesterday, saying that my Dad had joined Twitter. A sure sign that the end, folks, is nigh.

Bonfire Night is tonight, and you may be already planning what celebration you'll be attending. Even if you're just having fun in your own back garden, it's always nice to capture the moment but how do you get a pic that isn't full of strange lights and fuzzy?

If you're lucky your camera will have a fireworks mode, but if not there are a couple of tricks you can do to make your snaps sparkle in the right way. We joined forces with Fujifilm to give you a great how to guide.

First off, switch off the flash.
It will illuminate the background too much and the fireworks will look washed out- that is if they show up at all.

True Beatles aficionados will be hoping that MTV release a new peripheral for next year's Rock Band-esque Beatles game so that they can play A Hard Day's Night just like the Fabulous Four Five did.

The opening chord to the Beatles classic had been somewhat of a musical mystery for decades, until a cunning professor used a mathematical procedure (called Fourier transform) to split the sound into its original frequencies. Prof Jason Brown found that the Beatles producer lived up to his title of being the fifth member of the band, as the intro included a top-secret let's-baffle-our-fans piano chord played by George Martin himself.

The piano chord included an F note, which is impossible to play with the other notes on the guitar. So the new Beatles game clearly needs a piano peripheral. What can I say - I have to be true to my art.

Of course, the pianist in your band is going to have a small role to play. I'd give this instrument to one of the darling *ahem* little brats in your family when you are forced to let them have a go.

I've completed a full 24 hours without Twitter or Facebook. 24 long, tedious hours. It was ok to begin with - liberating even. And then came the 3.30pm crash, traditionally the time when my brain slows down to the point that writing becomes impossible and Facebook calls. Without having my favourite waste of time available, I had to find something else to amuse me.

Having said that, it was a revelation to wake this morning after a night on the town, and be fairly confident that at no point did I post ridiculous Twitter updates about how much I loved the person I was with/Nick Cave/London/the bus driver.

I've taken Twitter out of my Outlook, Facebook off my Firefox, and both applications out of my Blackberry. I am going Cold Turkey 2.0. For the next seven days, social networks are dead to me. I expect to start shaking soon, get intense cravings by 4pm and feelings of doubt as to my mental state by the end of the day. Why do it? Why not. But put succinctly into a list, I'd say because...

1. I'd like to stop my internal monologue restricting itself to 140 characters. I used to think semi-big thoughts. Now, I cut out pretty much any word over 5 letters long, and 'Susi is...' seems to feature heavily.

Today Duncan and I headed on over to the Stuff Live Show (which was fantastic by the way - expect loads of footage next week) and I couldn't help noticing the number of scantily clad women prancing around the Excel Centre... err... promoting technology. I mean, what do women playing volleyball in bikinis have to do with technology? Are you drawing a blank too? If it's to attract people over to stands, I'm sure alcohol-laced bait would be better - at least it won't tease you and you can touch it.

I've got used to images of near-naked female models on magazines with a scattering of very much smaller pictures of gadgets (lest you forget that these mags are actually about technology and gadgets), and seeing them strutting their stuff around huge tech events, but I'm at a loss as to why this is necessary? Surely technology's not that tedious that they need women dressed in skimpy bikinis with their boobs spilling out the sides, striking sultry and suggestive poses? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure these half naked ladies are appreciated by many pervsmen, and why shouldn't they enjoy a bit of half naked eye candy?

Remember the excitement of the format wars last year? Would it be Blu-ray or HD DVD? Who knew? Who cared? OK, Sony and porn were the big players in that market, as when you get the gamers and the horny adolescents on your side you have a v strong case (or were they one and the same?), but then it was over, and we had a clear winner. Or did we?

Despite the rise in sales of Blu-ray players, PS3's and even HD makeup, only 4% of US movie disc sales this year were Blu-ray. Why do you think this is?

I was shocked when my nana rang me the other day to ask what I would like for Christmas, but she quickly pointed out that it is ONLY EIGHT WEEKS ON THURSDAY!!! Yikes.

If like me you would rather put that scary thought to the back of your mind and go off on a bit of a tangent, then here's an interesting discovery: scientists have found that X-rays are emitted when a roll of sticky tape is unwound in a vacuum.

Researchers at the University of California found that they could use this simple setup to take X-ray images of their fingers. Now that's something to think about as you wrap your Christmas pressies.

To watch a video of this experiment in action and to find out how you can test this for yourself at work, continue reading after the jump...

So, we're going to call this new spot 'Things Susi really hates on Facebook' and have done with it. I might even get some kind of logo designed. Up today? People you really need to deny as a friend request. The Ignore button is there for a reason, people.

Dad: Do I need to explain this one? Firstly, parents shouldn't be on Facebook because Facebook is for the kids. Secondly, if anyone deserves to have the most limited of all limited profile viewing options, it's your father. After all, he still thinks you've never kissed a boy, right?

Mum: See above. But it gets worse - she'll want to discuss what she's seen on Facebook IRL. Urgh.

Boss: As this guy in Australia found out, having anyone from your office as your friend on Facebook spells P45 in big letters. Even the odd 'Susi is thinking everyone in her office is a moron' update has a habit of causing issues. Can't imagine why...