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13 lies you tell yourself about your social media addiction. Every. Single. Day

Becca Caddy Fun Stuff 2 Comments

Oh we know, you barely check Facebook, Instagram likes mean nothing to you and a dead phone doesn’t even make you break out into a sweat. WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? We’re all in this together, so let’s stop with the lies and accept the fact it’s too late for us all.

1. Lie: Oh… Maybe that status update just deleted itself then… I guess?

Truth: I deleted it after ten minutes in a haze of shame and fury because it only got one like. From my mum. By accident.

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2. Lie: Yeah my weekend was lots of fun, thanks.

Truth: I mainlined Netflix into my retinas for 30 hours until I passed out. With snacks.

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3. Lie: I don’t really have the time to get properly clued up about politics and current affairs.

Truth: I just spent five consecutive nights pinning beachy hairstyles and quotes about being free on Pinterest.

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Via 99problemsbutapitchaintone

4. Lie: I can’t stand Zoella.

Truth: I LOVE ZOELLA.

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Via marinarph

5. Lie: I can’t stand emojis.

Truth: I love emojis.

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Via georgiadabizz

6. Lie: I don’t have a Pinterest wedding board.

Truth: I have a (secret) Pinterest wedding board. OKAY, OKAY, I HAVE SEVEN.

Pinterest board

7. Lie: Yeah, I wonder what [insert random person’s name who you went to primary school with here] is up to nowadays?

Truth: I know where [insert random person’s name who you went to primary school with here] works, where they live, who they go out with, what they had for breakfast on Sunday and that they were really screwed over by the Victoria line this morning.

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Via Dear Teenage Years.

8. Lie: I just choose the nearest Instagram filter to my thumb I guess?

Truth: I put more thought into picking an Instagram filter than I did into picking a university or a flat.

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9. Lie: Buzzfeed quizzes are lame and pointless.

Truth: I am Ariel, Baby Got Back is my personal theme tune, I probably won’t become a crazy cat lady and I’m not very fetch. Shakira could be my BFF and I should totally have ice-cream for lunch every single day.

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Via Globalgrind.

10. Lie: My working day is about 1 hour lunch and a walk, 2 hours admin and replying to emails, 3 hours of research and then non-stop writing for the other 2! I’m such a hard worker!

Truth: My working day is Oreos at my desk, 2 hours watching makeup tutorials on YouTube, 5 and a half hours lost in the deep, dark depths of Reddit and 30 minutes of ABSOLUTE PANIC.

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11. Lie: Nah, why would I care that she unfollowed me?

Truth: AM I A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING? WHAT DID I DO TO HURT YOU SO? JUST. LOVE. ME.

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12. Lie: It doesn’t really bother me when my battery dies.

Truth: In a rabid daze and cold sweat I once genuinely considered what I’d trade in for a fully-charged phone. £25? £125? A kidney?

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Via whatshouldwecallmemaybe

13. Lie: I just choose a photo at random to use as my profile pic

Truth: I’ve carefully orchestrated 12 different events to get the perfect profile pic. And failed every time.

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By Becca Caddy | July 7th, 2014