In my line of business I'm on the phone a LOT. Whether it's checking up on product price points, requesting review samples or arranging meetings, I both call and am called constantly every day. And out of every phone call there are about ten seconds of awkwardness to encounter which I loathe.
Here are my Top Ten gripes about phone calls.
1. Ring, Ring, 'Hi Zara speaking'. 'Hello can I speak to Zara?'. Didn't you just hear me say my name? You ignore my greeting and then still expect to have a productive conversation when you've now made it clear you're someone who doesn't listen? And who did you expect to find answering my direct phone line? Grr.
2. 'Hi how are you?' 'I'm fine, and you?' 'Very well thank you'. Do you actually care how I am? If I'm having a good day/bad day? No, you want to sell me something, sort something out and these silly pleasantries are a waste of our time.
3. Did you have a good weekend? Yes, I got horrendously drunk, threw up on a doorstep and woke up on a stranger's bed. They don't want to hear that, you don't want to share it, so the pally pally inquiry is rather pointless.
4. 'Great weather we're having... 'I appreciate there's not much to talk about so get off the GODDAM phone.
5.'Hi, I'm just calling to check you got my email?' Of course I got your email you sent it to me ten minutes ago and if I haven't replied yet it's because I'm very busy and have more important things to do than replying to a non urgent inquiry. If it was important you'd have called, and no, I haven't forgotten about you but harassing me like this will not make me think favourably of you.
6. Phonecalls before 10am. Yes, I know you're on the ball and being really proactive but honestly! With most people starting work between 9-10, this is the time I have a coffee, switch my computer on and check emails.
7. People who think you know who they are. There are a LOT of Sam/Johns etc in my life and just your name isn't really enough. 'Hi I'm John from X PR calling about such and such would be a LOT more helpful'.
8. 'Hello chicken how are you? Lovely jubbly'. I don't know you, should you really be calling me an affectionate nickname. I don't think so. It may sound very cutesy wootsy but it's also sickening. (a side note would be emails signed by people with kisses, or calling me hon).
9. Garbled, badly targeted phone calls. 'I hear you're very interested in waste disposal..' No, I'm NOT. Surely the place you got my number clearly stated I work in technology and beauty, and unless this is a designer waste unit which works via solar energy it's really not for me.
10. 'You hang up! No you hang up!' Argh! OK, this isn't really a work related issue but it still makes my stomach violently churn.
Zara Rabinowicz writes for Shiny Shiny and Kiss and Makeup and commits some of the above crimes. She's very, very sorry though.
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So much anger, Zara! I thought you were only ever sweetness and light, and here you are, a normal person after all... Thank god - I feel much better about my occasional hatred of humanity now
All 10 of those happen to me every single day....I feel your pain and completely agree.
oh, and let's not forget these faves:
- Anyone who chats away at the theater (this isn't your living room and that's not a dvd), formal restaurants (there is a time and place, and when I've waited an hour for a table to have the privilege of buying a $35 a piece of chicken from Bruce the pretentious server isn't it), or while driving through mall parking lots and busy downtown shopping areas (slow down and pay attention to the pedestrians, you idiot). These people all deserve to have their phones thrown in a lake.
- Shrieked greetings; they are never pleasant on the other end of a bluetooth headset.
There are, no doubt, many more.
No. 1 - that's my own personal gripe. If someone does that to me I immediately don't want to talk to them. Or people who don't wait for you to properly answer and launch into conversation - generally they're talking to the wrong person.