Yes, it's the FA Cup Final: Top Ten Football Gadgets

This Saturday is the FA Cup Final and what with dog-nappings and sex toy lawsuits it's a fine footballing frolic on and off the pitch.

We've put together a list of some handy football-themed gadgetry to see you through the weekend whether you're lucky enough to have a ticket or just want to get involved in the footie spirit. But worry not... if the idea of watching football makes you want to pull your eyelashes out individually with a pair of tweezers, there might even be a gadget in there for you too.

(And yes, the gratuitous moody Mourinho shot was for Susi's benefit).

The Beer Chill Dispenser

Okay, so perhaps this first gadget isn't directly football-themed, but what's a game without a brew or two (and we're not talking about tea)? £140 to forever have your own ice-cold draught beer fest of football days (or any day).

Besides which, if you're a football widow (or widower, we're not judging) and have to drink yourself into a stupor to avoid watching any more action replays, at least it'll be cold.

The Football Supporter's Head Umbrella might just be needed this humid, showery weekend, and if you're lucky enough to have laid your hands on a gold-dust ticket then you can protect yourself from sudden rainstorms and the drool of your fellow supporters (or the odd lightweight missile from the opposing number).

Alternatively, you could just end up looking a bit of a w*nker... speaking of which.... there's always the Inflatable Referee Costume...

Yes, okay, I agree. The less said about that the better.

If football is the light of your life, however, why not have some fun with the LED Football (see what I did there)? It's an inflatable beach ball and changes colour too, so if you felt the need for game of night-time beach volleyball (with, erm, a football), you'd have just the right gadget for it.

Right. So by now, we all need a drink. And if you're too cheap (or too broke) to have your own beer on tap, you'll be cracking open a bottle or two. Take the roar of the supporters with you to any party you go to with the Musical Football Bottle Opener.

(And, naturally, if you're sick of football-related gatherings, buy your other half this and get thrown out for being incredibly annoying).

Now, it's not quite the World Cup, but no football tournament is complete without a chant or a song. Until Apple give in and give the world the iSoccer (they are American over there after all), there is no MP3 player that can feed your sports addiction.... right? Wrong! For there is this delightful Football Shaped MP3 Player.

So far, so reasonably cheap... but what to get the true footie fanatic that has everything? A really expensive, indulgent present that will allow them to display their relentless adoration of the beautiful game to the world?

Why, a Talking Table Football game of course. Oh, go on, it's only two grand. There's a floodlit pitch, a commentator, even spectator graphics! And unlike betting on the outcome of the big game, at least a little practice will ensure you're a winner.

(Is anyone else thinking Friends, Monica, a couple of baby birds and a crowbar around now?)

Now, we all know that the timing of talking is vitally important during a crucial match. Talking during the game = bad. Talking after the game = highly important. It is absolutely critical to rehash every single fine detail of every pass. These days the world is getting smaller, and Striker Verball is just the way to combine football gossip with Skype, being an Internet phone in the form of a (not quite so buff) player.

Can't get your hands on a Wii for the superior Wii Sports? Can't afford one?. Get in touch with your inner footballer by filming your efforts (stay with me here).

The Connect TV Football plugs into your TV or surround sound system and lets you replay the Cup Final highlights in the privacy of your own living room.

Now, I seem to recall promising there would be a gadget for football-loathing women. Here's a way to solve your football problem by distracting your dear beloved from the match with the promise of a far more exciting outcome... The Women's Football Survival Kit. And if you can't? Then the Remote Control Jammer included ought to do the trick!