Susi Weaser writes...
I'm a big fan of words. And all the better if they're written down and saved for posterity. In fact, I'm happier with a text over a phone call, and email over a conversation. If only life could be conducted via missives, rather than tone, accent and glottal stops.
Except when it comes to Instant Messaging. I find IM *very* difficult to cope with. In fact, I think I'm correct in saying it is the work of the devil. What's that? You need more information before you go ahead and commit to my club? Oh ok then, read on for my top reasons that IM is the 21st century equivalent of one of Shakespeare's mischief making characters.
IM the Time Thief: You're in the middle of a document, when you suddenly get a little box pop up in your peripheral vision. And you can automatically see what this person is trying to get in contact about. And it's not much - you should just reply quickly and get back to work. Except that it Never. Happens. Does it? You reply, and then she replies, and then you reply, and then before you know it, you're analysing last night's episode of America's Next Top Model. (Me: "I know. She's MENTAL" Friend: "Completely INSANE" Me: "Did you see the one with the Knicker Incident?" Friend: "Mental"). And meanwhile, someone else sends you a quick message. Before you know it, you've got 5 conversations going, all about different shows on Living TV. As I said, Time Thief.
IM the Historian: You think you said you'd meet at 7. She says you said 6. Oh well, these things happen. You live, you learn etc etc. Except no. Chances are, your IM programme has saved that particular conversation, so that one of you can revel in the righteousness that comes with being stood up for an hour, whilst the other party can squirm in an uncomfortable fashion. Hurrah.
IM the Wallflower: What I mean by this, is that it's one of those things that you don't notice. And it's certainly not the kind of thing you (sorry, I) remember to sign out of. So, the chances are, when your boss is leaning over your shoulder checking your spreadsheet (not a euphemism. At least, not in my office) a small box is going to appear in the bottom right hand corner. And chances are, it's going to say "So, I hear you and Carl the Post Boy had a night of passion on the boardroom table last night". And chances are, you're going to have to find another job.
IM the F*ck up: IM makes it too easy to get it wrong. You know that feeling when you've 'replied all' to a definite 'reply only to your friend. Only to your friend and definitely no one else' email? It happens on IM too. It's so easy to be thinking about X, and thinking about how you must tell Y, and then accidentally clicking X. I've done it. I know hundreds of people who have done it. And it's one of the worst feelings in the world. Right up there with having your arms cut off. And there being no Doritos Hot Salsa in the supermarket.
And before you comment explaining that there is no law that you have to use IM, wait. I *know* this. I do, really. But if I wasn't on IM, how would I keep in touch with people?
Susi is the editor of Shiny Shiny, and can be reached on Skype, MSN Messenger, Yahoo IM and pretty much every programme you care to mention.
My fingers are at least 3.14 (seeing as it is official Pi day today - seriously!) times more fast (and stupid) than my mouth. So IM has caused be some embarassing 'oh dear I totally hit send on that comment I really shouldn't have made' moments, ugh. I do a high amount of quality control though (read: blocking of unwanted attention) so I only have to deal with cool peeps. IM chatting really is a skill, and only some of us are blessed with it.