Naomi Campbell began her community service today, after being found guilty of assaulting her maid. Throwing a mobile phone has cost the supermodel 5 days of cleaning loos, $452 of medical bills and her solemn vow to attend anger management classes.
So, was it worth it? We’re guessing right about now she’s thinking not, so we’ve put together our top picks of gadgets for launching at your maid. Just in case, you know, the anger management classes don’t quite pan out..
1. Stick to what you know, right? You know lots about the size zero debate, Campbell, so the latest Samsung Ultra edition phone should be perfect. Turn it sideways and it practically disappears, at just 6.9 mm thick. And best yet, there are even thinner models coming our way later this year. You’ll look like some kind of Kill Bill-esque Ninja flinging one of those.
2. Dealing with your demons is a journey, not a destination (or something like that), and rather than trying to go cold turkey on Not Assaulting Domestic Staff, why don’t you wind it down gently. For instance, try only chucking this Flexi-keyboard at her next time she doesn’t chill you water to the correct degree. It will still make that satisfying ‘thwack’ whilst only leaving her with some temporary smarting. Everyone’s a winner.
3. Right, this one is all about the alibi. Because let’s face it, “I didn’t do it” doesn’t really seem to wash anymore, does it? So the CushTop is perfect, what with it having it’s origins in a cushion and all. Yes, it’s sturdy enough to support your laptop so you don’t get Laptop Burn on your pins, but that’s not the point. As far as you were concerned, Naomi, you were just indulging in a good old fashioned pillow fight. It’s not *your* fault she didn’t stock up on ammo before you unleashed your wrath, is it?
4. Ok, so the cellphone ankle strap isn’t designed to be thrown per se, but it will certainly help the style in which you throw. Channel a bit of Charlie’s Angels by attaching your phone to your ankle and then whipping it out and flinging it, with all the panache of someone auditioning for a James Bond femme fatale. Think of the spin off possibilities for your career.
5. If all else fails, Naomi, you’ll always have your fashion knowledge to fall back on. For instance, Fashion Commandment Number Three: matching your accessories to your outfit. Next time that maid steps out of line, you just flash this pink Taser at her. She’ll be so impressed with your accessorizing, who knows, maybe you won’t even need to use it.